HOW To Pursue The New and Better You

With every new year, many individuals take time to reflect on the year that has been and resolve to fulfil hopes, change and ambitions for the future. But some statistics suggest that less than 10% of people that make resolutions actually achieve them.

While January is a great month for new gym memberships, smoking cessation programs and diet/nutrition companies, by February many of those ‘this year is going to be different’ declarations have become victims to old habits, behaviours and influences.

Is it WHAT individuals declare they want to improve about their lives is too ambitious or impossible to achieve or is it more HOW each person sets about becoming a better self that results in some many of these well intended improvements to fail?

Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist regarded as the founder of humanistic psychology is quoted as saying “the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short”.

Many people have heard of Maslow or at least his ‘hierarchy of human needs’ which was based on the premise that humans are motivated upwards towards growth at higher levels which progress as each lower level is fulfilled.

There were originally 5 levels of needs described being:

1. Biological/Physiological (air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep) progressing to
2. Safety (protection from elements, security, order, law, stability, freedom from fear) and then
3. Love and belongingness (friendship, intimacy, trust, acceptance, affection) followed by
4. Esteem (achievement, mastery, independence, status, respect) and eventually
5. Self-Actualization (personal potential, self-fulfilment, growth and peak experiences).

There were subsequently additional levels added which can be viewed in detail here .

Maslow’s theory is a useful template to reflect on why declarations of a ‘new or better me’ generally fail when evaluated against specific goals (eg losing weight, exercising more, getting a new job etc.).

While most resolutions are made with genuine commitment and serious intent, often they are symbols of much deeper goals, desires and wishes to grow towards a more ‘actualised’ person. As such, it is not surprising that may fail when temporary or partial achievement does not reward the person in a greater way than the ‘sacrifice’ being made against the satisfaction, habits and feel goods that seduced the old behaviours in the first place.

If true change and growth is desired, it is more likely resolution one that does not change a single habit or behaviour but one that pursues a more fundamental evolution of personal growth, that creates change more slowly and sustainably from within?

Regardless of the extent to one accepts Maslow’s principle of self-actualisation, his theory does offer some potential insights that were crafted from common characteristics of individuals that internally (rather than just externally) had achieved their full potential and satisfaction.

As such, they might also hold some clues into that fact that change from within may also create a formula from HOW ‘resolutions’ (at any time) can be nurtured to achieve longer lasting motivation and sustainment of WHAT each person desires to change about themselves.

If so, Maslow observed that true growth and actualisation is most likely in individuals who:

• Embrace the unknown and ambiguous – resist the comfort of habits, stability and familiar life for experiences that create an element of uncertainty, freshness and personal innovation.
• Accept the fact that no one is perfect – instead of comparing themselves with others and/or self-depreciating, be comfortable with who you are or only change what YOU believe is worthy of change, not what you believe others expect you to be. Be authentic, sincere and true, rather than defensive or a façade to your true self.
• Pursue the journey more than the destination – rather than wallow in feelings of unfulfilled hopes, dreams or wishes, bathe in the happiness of the ride, appreciate yourself for what you have (and do) achieve, take time to positively reflect on each day. The ‘present’ can offer as much reward as the ‘future’ but requires a paradigm that accepts that the ‘means’ can be just as enjoyable as the ‘ends’.
• Consider that unconventional is not rebellion – many individuals live a life of self-perceived normality, boredom and frustration not because of an incapacity but a voice of suppression, what others or society expect they ‘should’ do, act or be instead of what feels more innately comfortable in terms of dress, activity or behaviours. Exhibiting the person you are within is not rebellion, it is an opportunity to live as your true self.
• Value intrinsic more than extrinsic – by definition, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs requires each level to be ‘satisfied’ before the next level can be truly fulfilled. The dichotomy of modern life is to reflect and accept when basic needs have been fulfilled, rather than spending time, effort and emotion pursuing more shelter, better food and perfect love to the detriment of personal growth and satisfaction. A self-actualised person does not need external trinkets of success to achieve a life of satisfaction.

Whether you are an individual who has entered the new year with a determination to change or one who doesn’t ‘believe’ in resolutions, the above are timely to reflect on some of the internal forces that can work in support of one’s own definition of a life more fulfilled.